Book Review: Tara Mohr's Playing Big
Many professionals—especially women—hold themselves back from stepping into their full potential. They wait to be more qualified, seek external validation, or allow fear of criticism to dictate their actions. Tara Mohr’s Playing Big offers a powerful roadmap for overcoming these barriers and stepping confidently into leadership.
I'm giving Playing Big 5 stars, as the book is rooted in both psychological insights and practical strategies. Furthermore, Mohr breaks the concepts out into easy-to-digest chapters, with charts, visuals, journaling prompts, and chapter summaries, making it a compelling read for anyone looking to move beyond self-doubt and into their highest potential.
In this review, I’ll focus on three key concepts from Playing Big that are especially transformative for leaders: (1) unhooking from praise and criticism, (2) leaping, and (3) communing with power. Each concept comes with actionable takeaways and steps you can implement immediately to start playing bigger in your work and life.
Unhooking from Praise and Criticism
One of the most liberating ideas in Playing Big is that we must detach our self-worth from praise and criticism. Mohr explains that many women have been conditioned to seek approval as a measure of success. While external validation can be encouraging, it also creates a dependency that stifles bold action. On the flip side, fear of criticism keeps us from taking risks, speaking up, or sharing unconventional ideas.
Mohr identifies six key reasons why women are especially prone to attaching their confidence to external feedback:
Relational Focus – Women are often socialized to prioritize relationships and harmony, making them more sensitive to approval and disapproval.
Example: A manager hesitates to give direct feedback because she worries about damaging team relationships, even though clarity would benefit everyone.Heightened Awareness of Others’ Reactions – Many women develop a heightened ability to read social cues, which can lead to overanalyzing others’ opinions.
Example: A leader second-guesses her decision after noticing a colleague’s facial expression during a meeting, assuming it signals disapprovalHistory of Survival Through Likeability / Social Influence – Historically, women’s access to opportunities and safety often depended on being liked and accepted.
Example: A woman in a male-dominated field feels pressure to soften her communication style to maintain workplace acceptance.Fear of Personal Attacks – Criticism can sometimes feel personal rather than about the work, making it harder to separate feedback from identity.
Example: After receiving critical feedback on a project, an employee internalizes it as a reflection of her competence rather than an opportunity for improvement.Cultural Focus on Girls’ and Women’s Appearance – Society conditions women to be evaluated on their looks, making external validation a lifelong concern.
Example: A woman in leadership faces more comments about her wardrobe than her strategic decisions, reinforcing the idea that appearance influences perception.Good-Girl Conditioning – Many women are raised to be polite, accommodating, and rule-following, making it difficult to tolerate disapproval.
Example: A high-performing employee hesitates to negotiate her salary because she doesn’t want to be seen as “difficult” or demanding.
Mohr uses the example of artists and writers, people who create without knowing how their work will be received. She encourages professionals to approach their careers with the same mindset, focusing on the work rather than external reactions.
Actionable Tips:
Shift from “Am I good enough?” to “Is this work aligned with my values?” Instead of measuring success by applause, evaluate it by its authenticity and impact.
Develop a “neutral observer” mindset. When receiving feedback, listen objectively and filter out what is useful without letting it define you.
Reframe criticism as a sign of growth. If no one ever challenges your ideas, you might not be pushing the boundaries enough.
Related Book: How Women Rise by Sally Hegelsen and Marshall Goldsmith
Leaping: Bold Action Without Over-Preparation
Mohr introduces the concept of “leaping,” which challenges the traditional idea that we need to be fully prepared before taking action. Many professionals—especially women—believe they need another credential, more experience, or additional approval before they’re “ready.” Mohr argues that transformative growth happens when we leap before we feel 100% prepared.
Leaps are different from incremental career moves. They are bold, often a bit uncomfortable, and come with uncertainty. Leaps are also not decisions alone, but rather, a decision plus an action, that accelerates learning, builds confidence, and shifts us into a new playing field.
A leap action meets six key criteria:
It gets you playing bigger now. Instead of waiting for ideal conditions, a leap immediately shifts you into bold action.
Example: Pitching a new idea to leadership instead of waiting until you have every detail perfected.It can be finished within two weeks. Leaps don’t require months of planning; they are quick, decisive moves.
Example: Writing and submitting an op-ed rather than spending months refining it.It’s simple—an action you can describe in a short phrase. Leaps are clear and specific, making them easy to execute.
Example: Sending an email to a mentor asking for guidance on a career move.It gets your adrenaline flowing. Because leaps push you beyond your comfort zone, they naturally create excitement (and some nerves).
Example: Speaking up in a high-stakes meeting when you would normally stay quiet.It puts you in contact with the audience you want to reach or influence. Leaps are not done in isolation; they engage the people who can help move your ideas forward.
Example: Leading a workshop instead of just reading about public speaking.You leap with the intent to learn. Leaps are experiments, not perfect performances—they offer valuable insight, regardless of the outcome.
Example: Hosting a small webinar to test a new business idea and gather feedback.
Actionable Tips:
Ask, “What’s the boldest version of this idea?” Instead of playing it safe, think bigger.
Take imperfect action. Instead of over-researching or waiting for permission, put your idea into the world sooner rather than later.
Recognize that courage comes after, not before, the leap. Confidence is built through action, not the other way around.
Communication: Owning Your Voice
In Playing Big, Tara Mohr dedicates an entire section to how women communicate, emphasizing the importance of owning your voice in the workplace and beyond. She points out that many women fall into patterns of speech that unintentionally diminish their authority and credibility. These patterns, such as hedging, over-apologizing, and using qualifying language, are often rooted in the desire to be perceived as agreeable or non-threatening. While this might help avoid confrontation, it also weakens a person’s ability to communicate assertively and be taken seriously.
Common Speech Habits that Undermine Authority
Mohr highlights several speech habits that subtly undermine the strength of your message. These habits often stem from a desire to appear polite or accommodating, but they can unintentionally convey insecurity, indecision, or lack of confidence. Here are some key speech patterns to watch for:
Hedges: Words like “just,” “actually,” “kind of,” or “almost” soften your message unnecessarily. They reduce the impact of your words, making it sound as though you’re uncertain or downplaying the value of your point. Example: Instead of saying, “I just wanted to add something,” try saying, “I’d like to add something.”
Apologies: Constantly apologizing can erode your credibility and make you appear as if you're apologizing for your presence or ideas. Words like “sorry,” “but,” or even “just a minute” can detract from your authority, especially when used in situations where an apology is unnecessary. Example: Instead of saying, “Sorry for interrupting, but…,” say, “Excuse me for interrupting, but…” or simply dive into your point.
Qualifying Phrases: Using phrases like “I think,” “I could be wrong,” or “I’m not an expert, but…” signals uncertainty and undermines your authority. These qualifications imply that your point is not fully formed or valid. Example: Instead of saying, “I think this might work,” say, “This will work.” The difference is subtle, but it conveys confidence in your ideas.
Actionable Tips for Speaking with Authority
Now that we know the common communication pitfalls, how can we fix them? Here are some actionable steps you can take to own your voice and communicate more effectively:
Practice Declarative Statements: Transform hesitant, uncertain phrases into confident declarations. Rather than saying, “I think this might work,” make a stronger statement: “This will work.” It’s important to speak with conviction, especially when presenting your ideas.
Use the Pause: When you feel the urge to fill silence with nervous chatter, pause instead. Taking a moment to gather your thoughts and speak with intention not only boosts your credibility but also makes your words more powerful. Pausing before responding allows you to think and speak with more clarity and authority.
Get a Buddy for Accountability: Have a trusted colleague or friend who can listen to your communication and offer feedback. They can point out softening language or qualifiers that you might not be aware of, helping you become more conscious of these habits.
Actionable Tips for Writing Emails with Impact
Communication doesn’t just happen in person. Your written communication—especially emails—also plays a key role in how you're perceived. Here are some steps you can take to ensure your emails are clear, authoritative, and impactful:
Check for Shrinkers: Shrinkers are words or phrases that reduce the power of your message. Look out for terms like “a little bit,” “just a minute,” and “only.” For example, instead of writing, “I’m just asking for your input,” say, “I’m asking for your input.”
Eliminate Unnecessary Apologies: Apologizing unnecessarily in an email can make you seem insecure. Before you send, read through your message and check for any apologies that aren’t needed. For example, instead of saying, “Sorry for the delay,” simply say, “Thank you for your patience.”
Watch for Hidden Points: Sometimes, we hide our main point behind a question or qualifying statement. For example, instead of saying, “Does this make sense?” after an important point, consider removing it altogether. Let your statement stand on its own.
Final Thoughts
Playing Big is more than a self-help book—it’s a leadership manual for professionals ready to step out of fear and into their full potential. By detaching from praise and criticism, taking bold leaps, and refining communication, Mohr provides actionable tools to help readers claim their space and make a lasting impact.
If you’re ready to stop playing small and start owning your voice, this book is a must-read. And remember—playing big doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. It means you are willing to take risks, trust your wisdom, and lead with courage.
Ready to take the leap and play big? Partnering with a coach can help!
Mohr emphasizes the power of support in the journey toward playing bigger. She encourages partnering with a mentor or trusted colleague to gain insights into the habits that may be holding you back. Coaching is another valuable resource.
One of the most rewarding aspects of my work is helping clients develop greater self-awareness, break free from limiting behaviors, and adopt strategies that empower them to lead with confidence. If you're looking for personalized guidance, explore my private coaching options at conshycoaching.com/privatecoaching.
Need support for your team or leadership group? Check out my leadership and professional training programs.
