Rising Strong: What Courageous Leadership Really Looks Like - Brené Brown Book Review
Over the past three months, I’ve had the privilege of sitting with a room full of leaders and digging into Brené Brown's Rising Strong. This wasn’t a quick skim or a casual book club. Week after week, we peeled back the layers of what it really takes to lead with courage, not just competence. We rumbled with questions that don’t have easy answers: What does it mean to assume people are doing the best they can when you’re under pressure to deliver? How do you raise the bar from mediocrity to excellence without alienating your team? What does it look like to ask for help or admit you need others in a culture that celebrates independence? And how do we realign expectations in a world where younger generations refuse to follow the old rules simply because “that’s how it’s always been done”?
Leading this discussion reminded me that becoming a braver leader is not about reading the right book or adopting a new strategy. It is about doing the inner work, reckoning with your own stories, sitting with discomfort, and choosing to rise stronger when things get messy. Rising Strong is not a theory on a page. It is a mirror that challenges us to examine how we show up, not just when everything is going well, but when we have fallen hard.
The Rising Strong Process
At its heart, the book is about what happens after we fall. Failure, setbacks, and disappointments are part of life and leadership. The difference between those who grow stronger and those who stay stuck lies in how we respond when we are face down in the arena. Brown outlines three steps in this process: the Reckoning, the Rumble, and the Revolution.
The Reckoning is about getting curious with our emotions. Instead of pushing feelings aside, we slow down and notice what is happening inside us. It is naming anger, fear, shame, or sadness rather than letting those emotions drive us blindly. This first step creates awareness and interrupts automatic reactions. (Learn about my favorite Emotional Awareness Tool, the Mood Meter, here.)
The Rumble is where we dig a bit deeper and do the work to own our stories and test the assumptions we made in the Reckoning. Rumbling means leaning into vulnerability and asking tough questions: Is the story I am telling myself true? What facts support it, and where am I filling in gaps with fear or shame? It also means listening to others’ perspectives and widening the lens so we can see the whole picture, not just our piece of it.
The Revolution is where insight turns into action. It is what happens when we integrate what we learned in the rumble into how we live, lead, and connect. It is not just about bouncing back but about rising stronger with new clarity. In practice, the Revolution might look like changing the way we give feedback, approaching trust differently, or simply showing up with more compassion and courage. It is where transformation takes root because we have allowed the fall to teach us.
What struck our group is that this process is both simple and demanding. It gives leaders a clear map, but it requires honesty, reflection, and a willingness to sit in discomfort. The process is not linear either. Sometimes you find yourself reckoning and rumbling over and over again before a revolution emerges. Yet even naming the steps gave us a shared language to navigate challenges and a reminder that struggle can be a starting place for growth, not the end of the story.
Reckoning with Your Story
One of the most powerful tools Brown gives us is the phrase “the story I am telling myself.” At first glance, it feels almost too simple. Yet when leaders from the group began to apply it, the impact was undeniable. It allowed us to name assumptions, call out half-truths, and begin conversations from a place of curiosity instead of certainty. Instead of reacting with blame or defensiveness, it opened a door to empathy and deeper understanding.
Brown provides three incredibly insightful questions to guide this process. When leaders leverage these questions, they go past personal reflection and turn them into tools for creating a more grounded approach to any challenge:
What more do I need to learn about the situation?
What more do I need to learn about the other people involved?
What more do I need to learn about myself?
Starting with a simple phrase helped many of us anchor the process. For several of us, this process began with repeating: “The story I’m telling myself…” Naming it out loud disarms it. One leader realized she had been telling herself the story that her team didn’t respect her because they asked so many questions. In the Rumble, she recognized that their questions weren’t about doubt—they were about clarity and engagement. That shift changed everything about how she showed up in meetings.
Another takeaway was the importance of communication that opens up space for feedback. Too often, leaders assume they know the whole story. But when you practice the Rumble, you learn to ask, “What’s your perspective?” before making judgments. This not only prevents misunderstandings, it builds trust.
Lastly, when we reckon with our stories, we are forced to rumble with one of Brené Brown’s core beliefs: People are doing the best they can. That statement challenged nearly everyone in our book club. Some bristled at first—what about team members who miss deadlines or underperform? But as we unpacked it, we realized believing this doesn’t mean accepting mediocrity. It means choosing empathy as your starting point. It creates perspective and space to see others more generously. From there, you can raise the bar by offering clarity, resources, or support, rather than judgment.
Owning Your Story as a Leader
It’s one thing to reckon with your story, it’s another thing entirely to own it. The quote our group came back to time and time again was, “You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness." When we hustle, we dilute ourselves, hide the parts of our story that feel too messy, and chase approval by trying to fit in. Owning our story, on the other hand, means embracing the whole of who we are. It means acknowledging the hard parts and the mistakes while also celebrating what makes us unique.
Be Aware of Your Sink Holes
We also talked about “sinkholes,” Brown’s metaphor for those moments when we get stuck in fear or avoidance. Leaders in the group admitted that when they spend too much time trying to avoid mistakes, they can lose sight of the bigger picture. Focusing on the possibility of failure distracts from what matters most: the goals we are working toward and the people we are working with. Recognizing sinkholes helps us reorient our energy toward what is meaningful instead of what is paralyzing.
These common sinkholes often get in the way of wholehearted leadership:
Emotional Blinders – when we’re too emotionally invested in an outcome
The Loss Leader – when we’re convinced that discounting our work or value will lead to future work or opportunities
Uncharted Territory – when we’re going after business or an opportunity in an area we have no experience with
Win at Any Cost – when we’re addicted to the thrill of the win, despite the cost. (This often occurs when our self-worth is tied up in results)
Defensive Pricing – when we feel like we have to protect ourselves by making it difficult for someone to outdo us, even if we take a hit in the process
While not identified as sinkholes in Rising Strong, some other blind spots discussed in the book were vulnerability shields, resisting help and support from others, being afraid of being dependent on others, and more.
The Power of Connection and Trust
Another recurring theme in our book club was the importance of connection and trust. Brown’s work reminds us that leadership is never a solo act. Several members reflected on how assuming that others are doing the best they can shifts perspective. It creates room for empathy, softens judgment, and helps us respond with more patience and compassion. For leaders, this mindset can transform team dynamics. When we believe people are trying their best, we approach challenges from a collaborative stance instead of an adversarial one.
We also spent time with Brown’s BRAVING Trust framework, which I discuss in detail in my Dare to Lead book review. Many in the group found it to be a practical tool not only for navigating relationships with others but also for holding themselves accountable. Trust is not a vague feeling. It is built through clear boundaries, accountability, reliability, integrity, non-judgment, generosity, and the ability to keep confidences. Several leaders acknowledged that reflecting on BRAVING forced them to ask hard questions: Am I holding up my end of the trust equation? Am I modeling the behaviors I expect from others?
Wholehearted Feedback
Feedback was another area where connection and courage intersect. Brown’s reminder to “rumble” rather than assume resonated strongly. Leaders recognized the importance of opening up space to hear the full story and perspective before making decisions. Too often, we assume we know the answers or that our view is the only one that matters. Practicing engaged feedback means slowing down, listening with curiosity, and making sure people feel seen and heard. We discussed the importance of taking time during 1:1 meetings with our team members to build perspective when we notice areas for improvement. Rather than assuming we know why the team member erred, take time to understand their thought process, what you as a leader may have misunderstood about the situation, and what gaps are present as a result of that conversation.
One of the exercises that stuck with many in the group was the “one-inch by one-inch box.” Brown asks us to write down the names of the people whose opinions truly matter, and they have to fit within that tiny space. The lesson is clear. Not every voice gets equal weight. The only opinions that count are from those who are in the arena with us, the people who know us well and hold us accountable to our values. This was a powerful reminder that leadership requires discernment. It is not about pleasing everyone. It is about being grounded in your values and surrounded by trusted voices.
This idea tied directly into another theme that came up often: wholehearted leadership. We cannot be wholehearted if we are leaving parts of ourselves behind. True leadership requires showing up fully, even when it feels risky. Several members acknowledged that this is uncomfortable. It requires courage to speak openly, share struggles, and invite others to do the same. Yet the payoff is a culture of authenticity where people feel safe to contribute and innovate.
Rising Strong as a Path Forward
By the end of our three months, what struck me most was how deeply Rising Strong resonated in practical ways. This was not theory for us. It was daily leadership practice. We walked away with new language to challenge assumptions, frameworks to build trust, and a clearer understanding of what it means to own our stories. We also walked away with greater empathy, recognizing that none of us are perfect leaders, and that rising strong is a process we live, not a milestone we reach.
Brené Brown writes that we are wired for struggle, but we are also wired for connection and resilience. Our book club proved that true. The conversations were not always easy, but they were always real. And in those real conversations, we found clarity, courage, and a renewed commitment to leading with heart.
Ready to Rise Strong?
If this reflection resonates with you, there are a few ways we can bring it to life together:
Work with me as your coach: Let’s apply these ideas directly to your leadership, helping you navigate challenges and rise stronger.
Facilitate a book club for your team: Just like the one I led, these guided discussions spark meaningful growth and build shared language for courage and resilience.
Team training: Bring me in to design and deliver an interactive session that takes your group deeper into trust, vulnerability, and courageous leadership.
Courageous leadership isn’t a trait you’re born with—it’s a practice you build, moment by moment. I’d love to help you and your team take the next step.
