March Book of the Month: Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett
If you read last month’s book review, you know I’m a huge Brene Brown fan. So it’s likely no surprise that I first learned about Dr. Marc Brackett on Brown’s Unlocking Us Podcast when she interviewed Brackett about his approach to cultivating deeper levels of emotional intelligence.
On that episode, Brown discussed how her team had been studying emotional vocabulary, and found that the mean number of participants in their studies can name three emotions: happy, sad, and glad. That’s it. Happy, sad, and glad. Talk about mind-blown.
The episode then pivoted to dive into Brackett’s 2019 book Permission to Feel, and the idea that many of us were never permitted to feel, understand, or express our emotions, which is why our emotional vocabulary and intelligence are sub-par, at best.
Brackett’s approach to helping people improve their emotional vocabulary and intelligence is based on his RULER framework, and how it is structured to help people first recognize, understand, and label their emotions. From there, individuals can learn how to appropriately express and regulate their emotions.
By the time I was done listening to this interview and discussion, Brackett’s book was on hold in my Libby app, and my husband and I listened to it on our drive across the country in 2020. I’ve since read Permission to Feel cover to cover a few times, and it continues to be one of my top recommended books for leaders who want to improve their emotional intelligence or empathy-related skills.
Why Emotional Intelligence Matters for Mindful Leaders
Brown states during the podcast, “I’ve never met a truly transformational leader that did not have a deep understanding of their own emotional landscape and the emotional landscape of other people. ”
Brackett then discussed a study his team conducted across 5,000 people in the US, 50-60% of the feelings that participants felt daily were negative. In this same study, Brackett and his team also learned about the emotional intelligence of these participant’s leaders and found a 50% difference in inspiration. The study found “that someone felt inspiration 50% more when they were in an organization with a leader with higher emotional intelligence. Their frustration levels were 30-40% less, their intentions to leave their profession were significantly lower, [and] their burnout [was] lower.”
Think about that for a second. Human brains are hard-wired to have a negativity bias, but, when surrounded by emotionally intelligent leaders, an individual’s ability to be inspired, engaged, and productive greatly increases, and levels of frustration, burnout, and attrition decrease. This is why emotional intelligence is critical for individuals and leaders to develop and cultivate over time.
Key Concept #1: The RULER Framework
Marc Brackett's RULER framework provides leaders with practical tools for navigating the complexities of human emotions, which is a cornerstone of effective and mindful leadership. By recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating emotions, leaders can create a more empathetic, communicative, and productive work environment conducive to individual and collective success.
Recognizing Emotions
Leaders should be adept at recognizing not only their own emotions but also those of their team members and colleagues. This skill allows leaders to understand the emotional climate within their organization and respond appropriately. They can recognize signs of stress, frustration, excitement, or satisfaction in themselves and others, enabling them to intervene when necessary or offer support and encouragement.
Understanding Emotions
Effective leaders go beyond simply recognizing emotions; they seek to understand the underlying causes and implications of those emotions. Understanding why individuals feel a certain way can help leaders tailor their approach to communication, problem-solving, and decision-making. It allows leaders to empathize with their team members, demonstrate genuine concern for their well-being, and present emotionally compelling solutions to problems that employees are more inclined to agree with or buy-in to.
Labeling Emotions
Giving a name to emotions is crucial for effective communication and problem-solving. Leaders who can accurately label their own emotions can articulate their feelings and needs more clearly to others. Similarly, encouraging team members to label their emotions fosters open dialogue and helps prevent misunderstandings. This step promotes self-awareness and emotional literacy, which are essential qualities in effective leadership. The Mood Meter explained below in Key Concept #2, is a great tool for increasing your emotional vocabulary and improving your ability to label emotions.
Expressing Emotions
Authenticity is key in leadership, and that includes the expression of emotions. Leaders who are comfortable constructively expressing their emotions set a positive example for their team members. Whether it's expressing enthusiasm for a project, acknowledging disappointment in a setback, or showing appreciation for a job well done, leaders who express emotions appropriately create a more transparent and trusting work environment.
Regulating Emotions
Perhaps the most challenging aspect of emotional intelligence for leaders is regulating their own emotions and helping others regulate theirs. Effective leaders understand that emotions can impact decision-making and interpersonal dynamics. By developing strategies to manage stress, stay calm under pressure, and diffuse tense situations, leaders can maintain focus and composure, inspiring confidence and resilience in their team members.
Learning to effectively understand, label, express, and regulate one’s feelings can turn emotions into a superpower, especially for women, who often feel as if they have to suppress their emotions to be taken seriously at work.
Key Concept #2: The Mood Meter Tool
Original Image Found on https://marcbrackett.com
Printed on the inside cover of Permission to Feel is the Mood Meter, a tool designed to help individuals increase their emotional intelligence and develop a nuanced emotional vocabulary. It consists of four quadrants, based on the energy behind, and the pleasantness of, an emotion.
Leveraging the Mood Meter allows individuals to broadly categorize their emotions based on what they recognize within them and their understanding of the situation, before narrowing their focus and labeling the emotion.
Here are just a few benefits that my clients have experienced by leveraging the Mood Meter in their daily leadership practice:
Increased Self-Awareness
Using the Mood Meter requires individuals to reflect on their current emotional state and categorize it within the quadrants. This process enhances self-awareness by encouraging individuals to recognize and label their emotions accurately.
My clients have commented that becoming more self-aware has better equipped them to understand their strengths, weaknesses, triggers, and reactions, allowing them to manage themselves more effectively in various situations.
Expanded Emotional Vocabulary
The Mood Meter has 100 emotions broken out between the four quadrants. This helps individuals develop a richer emotional vocabulary by forcing them to decipher between emotions like “shocked” and “stunned,” or “focused” and “motivated.” As individuals become more proficient in using precise emotional descriptors, they gain a deeper understanding of their own emotions and can communicate them more effectively to others.
My clients have also commented that their expanded emotional vocabulary has been invaluable for articulating their thoughts, needs, and concerns, as well as empathizing with their team members.
Improved Emotional Regulation
By regularly using the Mood Meter to track their emotions, individuals can identify patterns and trends in their emotional experiences. This awareness enables them to proactively manage their emotions and regulate their responses in challenging situations.
Through increased emotional intelligence and regulation, my clients regularly celebrate their newfound ability to remain calm under pressure, make rational decisions, and maintain a positive attitude when faced with difficult situations.
Enhanced Empathy and Social Skills
The Mood Meter fosters empathy by encouraging individuals to consider the emotions of others and how they might affect interpersonal interactions. As leaders develop a deeper understanding of their own emotions, they become more attuned to the feelings and perspectives of their team members
This heightened empathy enables leaders to build stronger relationships, resolve conflicts more effectively, and create a supportive and inclusive work environment where everyone feels valued and understood. My clients have also stated that their ability to empathize at a deeper level with their team members has led to increased confidence, accountability, and stability among their team members.
From Theory to Application
Leaders can incorporate the RULER framework and Mood Meter into their leadership practices in a few ways.
Use a tool like the Mood Meter to check in with your emotions throughout the day. This doesn’t have to be an elaborate practice, it can take less than 60 seconds to check in with yourself and write a few sentences in a journal about why you may be feeling a certain emotion. You could also consider using a free app like “How We Feel” which was created by scientists, designers, engineers, and therapists to help people better understand their emotions and find strategies to help them navigate their emotions in the moment.
Encourage their team members to use it as well. By openly discussing emotions and normalizing emotional expression, leaders create a culture of psychological safety where individuals feel comfortable sharing their feelings and seeking support when needed.
Consider using the Mood Meter as a tool for coaching and feedback. One of my go-to statements in a coaching session is: “Help me understand the emotions you’re experiencing right now. This exact phrase can be used by leaders when they sense emotions might be impacting a team member’s ability to be fully present and engaged. This is an incredibly safe way to lead from a place of empathy without inserting your personal story or assumptions.
Final Thoughts
Marc Brackett’s "Permission to Feel" highlights the importance of empathetic leadership in today’s fast-paced business world. It's a must-read for anyone in a leadership role, offering insights into how understanding and validating emotions can profoundly impact team dynamics and overall success.
By embracing Brackett’s RULER framework and Mood Meter, leaders can actively boost their emotional intelligence and vocabulary. This isn't just about personal growth; it's about empowering teams to thrive. By cultivating self-awareness, regulating emotions, and empathizing with others, leaders can foster an environment built on trust and collaboration. This sets the stage for improved communication, problem-solving, and ultimately, dynamic results.
If you're eager to delve deeper into the topic of emotional intelligence or are looking for more support than what a book can offer, partnering with an ICF Certified Coach could be a great option. To learn more about working with me, or to explore additional resources that will help you become a more impactful leader, please consider subscribing to my newsletter, and connecting with me on social media: LinkedIn, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Note: Links to recommended books on Amazon are affiliate links, which means I will earn a small commission on your purchase. Please consider supporting your local independent bookstore or borrowing books from your local library.