Cat got your tongue? Five tips for speaking your authentic voice.
This is the fourth post in my Pennsylvania Women’s Conference series.
You can find the first three here:
Giving yourself Permission to Quit.
This week is all about finding and speaking your authentic voice. Specifically, the five things we can do to grow more confident with speaking our truth, out loud, to our friends, families, peers, and co-workers. Including our boss’s and our boss’s bosses in large or intimidating settings. If you’d like to watch a summarized version of the five things you can do, check out my IGTV video here.
Love Yourself
If you are self-conscious about your body, would you rush out to wear a bikini? Likely not. The same holds true with your voice. I did a poll on Instagram last week, and 80% of respondents said they did not like their voice. I asked each one of these individuals if it kept them back from speaking out, and many of them said “yes.”
The first step to speaking your authentic voice is to start loving your authentic voice. It is also important to begin practicing self-acceptance and self-love, as you will be more confident if you are comfortable in your own skin, and in the clothes that you are wearing. Dress nice, avoid belly-sucker-inners (they prevent you from breathing fully), and wear clothes that fit you properly so you’re not constantly tugging at them or worrying what other people think.
Silence Your Inner Critic
We all have an inner critic. That voice inside our head that tells us we are not good enough. That our voice isn’t worthy of being heard, that we’re not smart enough, or that we don’t belong at the table. The voice that tells us to be afraid.
This voice is usually stems from our childhood, after an incident (or repeated instances) where we were hurt and is purpose is to protect us from being hurt in similar situations.
To silence your inner critic, you first need to understand its purpose. What happened, and what was it trying to protect you from?
Next, you need to ask yourself is if this voice is still protecting you, or at this point in your life, is it holding you back from success? I’d argue that in most cases, it’s the latter.
So, tell your inner critic to take a seat. Thank them for their service in the past, but you've grown up, and you got this. You can face whatever comes your way, you're strong, you're powerful, you're worthy.
Be yourself
There are so many courses out there on public speaking, each one with different guidance on if you should be funny or serious. With all the information out there, it is hard to figure out what you should do.
My recommendation is that you should do what comes naturally to you. If you are focused on what you should or should not be saying, or the inflection that you should or should not be using, then you are robbing yourself from the chance of telling your authentic story.
So, if you’re funny, be funny. If you’re sarcastic, be sarcastic. If you’re calm and reserved, then be calm and reserved. That said, read the audience. If you swear like a sailor and are speaking to a group of nuns, you may want to curb your language, but please do not curb your personality.
Speak with Authority
Have facts and research to support your recommendation or statement so that you can confidently present your case. Be open to listening to the feedback and opinions of others so that you can fully respond in a way that supports your recommendation or statement.
In situations where you need to discuss feelings, you can still have concrete examples to support your case. For example, if your boss repeatedly cuts you off in meetings and you’d like to address that point, jot down a few specific examples where this happened, and have the follow-up discussion relatively quickly so it’s fresh in both your heads.
In addition to having examples, opt to use stronger language such as “I believe” instead of “I think” and “I recommend” instead of “I prefer.” Word choice enables you to speak your authentic voice with more confidence and authority without changing your tone of voice, inflection, or personality.
Practice!
Need to have a tough conversation? Need to present at a meeting? Plan it out as much as you can, and practice. For some, that may mean having a strong outline of topics, for others it may mean writing a script word for word and reading it to yourself until you have it memorized.
Whatever your strategy, PRACTICE! Personally, I recommend practicing out loud. This allows you to practice projecting your voice, breathing, and pausing for emphasis.
However you choose to practice, whether it’s in front of a mirror, in your head, envision yourself speaking with confidence. Envision the participants nodding and being engaged. Envision yourself standing in a power pose and commanding the room. Envision success. And continue to practice.
Final Comments
Lastly, before you go into any conversation or presentation, remind yourself that You Got This! Take a deep breath. Center yourself. Calm your nerves and tap into your authentic self. Remind yourself of your why. Why are you asking for this raise, why are you asking for this promotion, why are you passionate about whatever you are presenting in the meeting?
Keep your why close to your heart and breath. Your voice is worthy of being heard, your wonderful and amazing in every way, and most importantly, you got this.