Rewriting “the Rules”

Whether we want to admit it or not, we all follow a “rulebook” when it comes to living out lives.

Some rules are spoken and well known, such as “don’t break the law” or the golden rule of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” But what about the unspoken rules, the ones that you have developed over the years as a result of your unique life experiences, the additional rules that you’ve created to help keep you safe from physical or emotional harm?

Sure, these rules serve a purpose, but letting these old sayings control how you live and think about yourself can hinder your ability to realize your full potential. Such rules are meant to be rewritten, and doing so empowers you to live a life that brings ultimate joy and fulfillment.

Here are some common rules that beg to be rewritten, better allowing ourselves to unlock our full potential and maximize our happiness. 

I need to readjust my personal values to get ahead

You do not need to sacrifice your inner mission to succeed and live a joyful life. Authenticity is a key indicator of success, so aligning who you are and your values is crucial to accomplishing your goals. So, instead of thinking about how you might have to change your values because of the rules, think about how you can change those rules by staying true to your values.

New Rule: To get ahead, I will prioritize my values and my needs.

If I change course, career pivot, or quit, I am a failure

Society often terms people who step away from their current situations as “quitters.” This mindset can put you in a state of constant fulfillment by forcing you to strive to please others and meet others’ expectations. Instead, shift the focus to you. It is important to reflect on what you are doing and whether you are happy. If you find you are unhappy and unfulfilled, changing directions can be a hugely helpful way to get back in touch with your values and desires.

New Rule: Quitting is not giving up, it’s investing in my future. I will evaluate the options, and follow the path that is best for me.

I will wait to take action when I am fully prepared and the timing is right

Every detail and circumstance in your life may never all be properly aligned. Thus, there is never really a perfect time to do anything. Being in touch with yourself and maintaining confidence in your values will lead you to a fulfilled life regardless of the external factors. Waiting around only takes time away from doing what you love, so there isn’t a need to wait.

New Rule: I will not wait for things to be perfect, I will take action now.

It is best to avoid failure

If the last example caused a tightening in your chest, then this rule may also be at play. The feeling of failure can be immense, but it teaches many lessons. Failure not only teaches you about what to do better professionally on your next try, but also teaches you more about who you are and your values. Many opportunities arise from things not working out how you wanted them to, so do not be afraid to take a chance.
New Rule: I will take risks, allow myself to fail, and most importantly, have compassion for myself when I do. I will give myself permission to pause, reflect, and learn from these failures.

You must meet every “qualification” to thrive

There is a common misconception that you need to meet every usual or listed requirement to be successful. Rather than focusing on what you don’t have, focus on everything you do have. Reducing our confidence just because you might not have a vast amount of experience will lead to decreased self-esteem and prevents you from doing what you want. Experiences and skills are transferrable, so do not feel restrained!

New Rule: I am strong and capable, and enough.

I make bad choices

This rule guided me for most of my life. My adherence to this rule stemmed from a choice I made when I was 7 years old that put myself and my brother at risk. This risky choice resulted in my parents reprimanding me. From then on, I would only ever make “safe” choices with predictable outcomes. I made choices which would keep me on a safe path to approval, belonging, success, and happiness. This mentality factored in to the most important decisions of my life, including where I went to school, my career, who I married, what I did for fun, the cars I bought, and so much more. It wasn’t until I was 30 years old and working with my own coach that I realized I had been kept in stronghold by my need to make safe choices. However, these choices ultimately suffocated me because I did not allow myself to trust my gut and make the choices that served me in a much greater capacity.

New Rule: I make choices that liberate me.