Life is stressful. Here's what you can do about it.
Have you ever become exhausted by just thinking about a task? Whether it’s going to work, doing the laundry, taking the first steps towards a big goal of yours, or just going out with a group of friends – life can wear us down and can cause stress where we least expect it.
About 10 years ago I was in a workshop based on Tom Rath’s book “How Full is Your Bucket,” which basically is a concept around self-care and boundaries. If you picture yourself as a bucket of water, you can only give so much before you’re empty, and you need to refill your own bucket before proceeding.
I like to think about stress the same way. There are six (6) main areas of our life that contribute to our stress and ultimately the amount of energy we are able to give to a certain task. The six areas of our life that contribute to stress are: spiritual (your authenticity), emotional, mental, physical well-being, social and our environment. If you think of yourself as a full bucket of water, with 6 buckets in front of you, every time you experience stress in one of these areas you dump water into the appropriate stress bucket. Without proper care and awareness, you run the risk of dumping all your water into your stress buckets, leaving no water (or energy) left to do things you truly want to do.
The crazy thing about some of the stress influencers in our life, is that we become so accustomed to them that we don’t even realize the toll they are taking on our bodies. Furthermore, many of these influencers are inner related, and one area of stress will contribute to stress in another area without us realizing it. Let me give you an example and then we’ll jump into the six different areas in more detail.
When I was in Corporate, I was a social butterfly. I thrived on connection with others and with being “in the know.” For five years I sat in an opportune area and frequently had people stopping by my desk to chat or to ask my opinion. I also had easy access to a popular ‘coffee break’ spot if I needed to stretch my legs and socialize. Then, my department (of 2 people) was relocated to a back corner of the office. A corner that I “fondly” referred to as the black hole.
No one sat back there. No one ventured back there. Most people didn’t even know about that area. There was a small kitchen, but rarely anyone used it. A fruit basket that would last 30-seconds in the kitchen near my old desk would last 3 days near my new desk. I was sad, I was disconnected, and honestly, without realizing it – most of my water was being dumped into my ‘environmental’ stress bucket.
Over time, this took a bigger toll. I began to feel cut-off from the rest of the office, I no longer knew what was going on, and I became less interested in some of the volunteer roles that I once loved – like being a key contributor to the wellness committee. Which means I was dumping water into my social stress bucket, my emotional stress bucket, my authenticity bucket, and to a point, my mental stress bucket. I knew my physical location made me sad, but I had NO idea the severity of the situation until I started to reflect on my personal journey and started to reflect on what ended up causing my stress to build up so badly that my personal bucket was empty. I had frequent anxiety attacks, emotional breakdowns, and I began taking water from others, causing them stress by cutting them out of my life except to complain. It got so bad that I felt my only option to refill my bucket was to leave my job completely.
Please don’t be like me – please don’t wait until too much time has passed to start evaluating the impact of stress in your life. Please take some time to think about how you may be experiencing stress or discomfort in the following six areas, and how that stress maybe spilling into other areas of your life. Once you have the awareness – you can start taking small steps to reduce the stress or discomfort, you can start refilling your bucket.
Stress Influencer #1: Spiritual
When I refer to spiritual stress, I’m not talking about religion. I am talking about stress that affect your human spirit, your worth, your values, that prevent you from being your authentic self.
When stress occurs in the spiritual area, people often feel as if they are operating without a compass and map. They feel as if they have no direction or sense of purpose. This can occur when life-changing events (such as death of a loved one, loss of a job, moving to a new community) or even seemingly “minor” events (such as not being invited out to lunch with a group of co-workers or friends) cause someone to question his or her values, purpose, goals, connection, and beliefs.
Here are some ideas to help you stay true to your authentic self, and to avoid spiritual stress.
Connection to purpose and something bigger
Alignment with vision, overall goals and values
Having confidence, faith and trust in yourself, your dreams and your intuition
Having commitment, determination and resiliency to stay strong when others question motives or dreams
Having a deep sense of self-awareness, gratitude and perspective, and an ability to create life balance and set boundaries
Having something to look forward to in the long term and the short term
Stress Influencer #2: Mental
If our mental capacity is strained, we struggle with decision making, idea generation, and general performance. When the mind is stressed, concentration, clarity, focus, creativity, and decision-making suffer. It can literally feel as though the mind is not able to produce what you’re asking it to.
Stress to the mental component arises when people multi-task, stretch themselves too thin, or have conflicting demands. Mental stress can occur when someone is too mentally stimulated or is not mentally stimulated enough. It can occur from stretching mental faculties beyond their current capacity without “building up” to the work at hand.
Here are some easy ways to check in on your mental capacity, alertness and stress at any given moment.
How distracted are you?
How present are you in a conversation?
How present are you in a task?
How clear are you on what you are trying to accomplish at that moment?
How effectively are you processing all available information in order to make decisions?
Here are some quick exercises to help you silence your brain and to reset, allowing you to come back with clear and focused intentions.
Close your eyes and breathe. Here is one of my favorite exercises: inhale for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, exhale for a count of four, pause at the bottom of your breath for a count of four before inhaling again.
Minimize distractions. Put on headphones to block out conversations (opt for white noise or instrumental), put your smart watch and work messaging system in do not disturb mode, shut your email off. Walk away from your computer if you need to.
Break the larger goal/task into smaller tasks that allow you to stretch, but not overreach.
Request clear feedback. Leave nothing up to interpretation, ask again or clarify if you’re unclear on the directions or feedback provided.
Stress Influencer #3: Emotional
Emotions are a tricky subject. We often notice emotions when they arise, but often don’t notice when they subside. Some emotions encourage productivity while others foster stress and prevent us from taking action. Being aware of how we react to various circumstances can help us begin to understand and manage the emotional stress in our life.
The best way to assess your emotions at a given moment is by asking: What do I feel? Then, consider: Why do I feel this way? And what can I learn and do about what I feel?
Emotional stress typically arises when people feel as if their needs are not being met or when they encounter a situation that they don’t understand or that they don’t know how to navigate, or a situation where their ‘buttons’ are pushed. Often, emotional stress results when people do not know how to express emotions effectively. Perhaps they bottle up their emotions, believing that’s “what they’re supposed to do,” until they reach a breaking point when the “dam bursts” and they are no longer in control of their emotions.
These steps are helpful to manage emotional energy:
Recognize what emotions are coming up and explore what those emotions may be telling you about the importance of a topic/issue/value that you have.
Consider keeping a ‘trigger’ journal that provides you the time and space to reflect on your emotions when your ‘buttons’ are pressed.
Challenge your own interpretations of a situation. Explore different perspectives/views, and ask yourself “are these emotions, or is this mindset serving me?” If not – what emotions or mindset would?
Stress Influencer #4: Physical Wellbeing
To perform optimally, our bodies physically need to be prepared to complete the task or deal with the situation at hand. You may be highly driven by your sense of purpose and excited about what you’re about to do, but if you’re operating on one hour of sleep, then you’re not likely to have enough physical energy to complete the task at hand.
Physical stress occurs when the body encounters situations or environments that do not allow the body to function in an optimal manner or in the manner to which a person is accustomed. Lack of sleep, poor eating habits, being over or underweight, illness, and injury can lead to physical stress. Physical stress can also occur when the body is asked to perform well past the limitations of its physical capacity, for example, if you try pulling an all-nighter to finish a project, when you normally go to sleep at 9pm.
Physical stress can also lead to spiritual, mental, or emotional stress if we are unable to complete a given task as desired. Here are a few ways to increase your energy and to decrease physical stress and in the workplace:
Get out of your seat! Give your eyes a break and walk to someone’s desk to ask them your question rather than relying on the phone or messaging system.
Find a water cooler buddy. Have your quick two-minute check-in meeting while refilling your water bottle. Make it a goal to refill your water every two hours.
Take a walk at lunch or on a break. Keep sneakers and socks at your desk.
Close the door for two minutes between meetings and do breathing or stretching exercises.
Eat a healthy, lighter lunch. Or opt for a piece of fruit instead of meeting leftovers like chips, cookies or brownies.
Stress Influencer #5: Social
You don’t exist in a vacuum, and how you react to and feel about the people around you can have a strong influence on your energy toward any situation. Unlike spiritual, mental, emotional and physical influencers on your stress that are internally focused, social stress is externally focused.
People’s social needs and desires vary greatly, depending several factors including if they are introverts or extroverts, or what their attitudes toward competition are. An introvert, for example, would likely be more comfortable working alone or with a few friends, while an extrovert may prefer being part of a large group or taking frequent breaks to socialize with others.
Stress in the social area occurs when social conditions aren’t optimal for you. People who care deeply about the approval of others would likely experience tension and anxiety if coworkers or family members criticized or ignored something they did. Being constantly surrounded by people with negative energy can also significantly drain your own energy.
Here are some ways to reduce social stress and enhance your experience:
Surrounding yourself with like-minded people, who understand your perspective, who will challenge you to step out of your comfort zone, and who will hold your hand when needed.
Clearly state your needs and boundaries. If you’re an introvert who needs quiet space to think, process or reset – communicate it. If you’re an extrovert who need a brainstorming buddy, ask for one.
Having the desired amount of interaction or support from others. If approval is important to you, explain why you are sharing something before you do. Explain that their support and constructive criticism is appreciated. Also, remember their comments do not determine your worth.
The presence of others around you who are involved and excited about the same things you are. Find your cheerleaders. Find your support group. Find other passionate people who build you up rather than tear you down.
Stress Influencer #6: Environmental
Similar to your social environment, your physical environment is another external area that affects your stress and ability to perform as desired. Stress occurs when you encounter an environment that you believe prevents you from functioning in an optimal manner or in the manner to which you are accustomed. If you’re about to type an important email and the power goes out or if the skies open mid-hike, your stress and energy can be negatively affected.
We can also take steps to optimize those environmental factors that we are able to modify. It’s important to be self-aware about what factors in your environment influence you, positively or negatively, and to take steps to ensure that your surroundings either support what you’re attempting to do, or that you have the coping skills to deal with less-than-optimal conditions.
When it comes to coping skills for less-than-optimal conditions, I like to use a backpacking analogy. When hiking, having access to water is critical and in the summer months, many springs dry up from the heat. While hiking in the rain is not ideal and leaves our packs heavy and shoes waterlogged, it all but guarantees that the next water source will be active. So rather than looking at hiking in the rain as a negative, you can switch your perspective and be grateful for the opportunity to refill your water at the next spring.
Some environmental strategies to enhance your energy include:
Creating an environment that is ideal for you. Take time to declutter your desk, reorganize your inbox, and assess other elements that could enhance your environment.
Wear layers and have a blanket, heater, or fan available if you’re unable to control the temperature at work.
If you need silence to function, invest in good headphones and download a white noise app or find soothing instrumental music.
Tastefully personalize and decorate your space. Anything that helps you remember your why, that inspires and motivates you, or that makes you smile.
If it’s out of your control, rather than getting frustrated, think – “what is the opportunity here?” If the power goes out before you send that email – the opportunity is to get up, stretch, fill your water, hit the restroom. While not always easy, practice allows us to better navigate tough environmental situations in the future.
If you have any questions about stress or would like to find ways to reduce stress in your life, please let me know. Through coaching, I can help you start to shift your perceptions around stressful situations and can help you create action plans to help you reduce the overall impact of stress on your life.
If you haven’t already, take a moment to read last week’s blog post to learn more about how your perceptions are changing your reality.
Want articles and free resources delivered right to your mailbox? Sign up to receive email updates here!