What would be different for you if you were not afraid?
The other day, I was working with a client who wants to step fully into their side-business but feels tethered to the comforts that her full-time job provides; unwilling to fully step away. This is a common theme for many of my clients, and one that hits home hard for me – as I was in their position before I left my full-time business as well.
While each conversation and situation look different on the surface, once we peel back the layers, they all are similar.
Client wants to pursue a different career or new business.
Client has big dreams and high energy about the potential for doing so.
Client has a laundry list of reasons for why “now” is not the right time. (Seems as if everyone has at least one bullet tied to financial security.)
Does this sound like you? Even if you haven’t considered pursuing a different career, if you have a laundry list of reasons for why now is not the right time to try something new, or you have fears holding you back from pursuing your dreams or starting a new career, then I think this client’s story will resonate with you. As will the path she chose to move forward to get her one step closer to creating a life and career of her dreams.
While the specifics aren’t really important, they do help add some color. Last January, this client left her well-paying sales job to pursue a full-time coaching career. She had just started her coaching certification program, and she was so burnt out and ready for a change that she jumped ship and started her business before being fully certified and without any form of a business plan.
Within a few months of leaving her sales gig, she quickly found herself out of money and “freaking out” (her words) and searching for a job to cover her expenses while she grew her business on the side. She now works full-time at a gym and uses this venue to market her coaching services and find clients; but, as a mom of two, working a full-time job on top of mom-ing on top of side-business-ing she’s feeling tired, disorganized, and like there isn’t an end in sight. She feels as if her dreams of having her own business are slipping further and further away. She is disappointed with herself and frustrated with her situation.
We spoke about her why. About why is she so passionate about coaching and about the freedom and flexibility that owning her own business would provide. The ability to control her own schedule, her own workload, the income potential through different arms of coaching, and the ability to connect and help people through coaching. The ability to spread her wings and fly, the opportunity to see where the business would take her if she was truly unafraid and gave it a chance to succeed. Her energy was high, talking wildly with her hands and tapping into her creative side – listing opportunity after opportunity that would come with owning her own business, owning her life, with being free.
This all sounds amazing, I said. I can see from your energy that you’re totally invested in this idea of being a full-time coach. So, what’s stopping you?
Her energy immediately dropped as she started listing reason after reason why the timing wasn’t right. About how she failed last time. About how she’s not ready to walk away from the stable paycheck or access to potential clients that the gym provides. The concern around being able to provide for her family and to make enough money as a coach, and so on. She acknowledged that she knew the gym was limiting her from reaching her full potential as a coach, and that the hours trying to balance both jobs were too much, but it was safe. It was known, and she wasn’t ready to let go. She wasn’t ready to fail again.
We talked about the fears and internal blocks associated with her hesitations. There was a lot to unpack here:
Her assumption that history would repeat itself.
The concept that calling her first attempt a failure is a judgment made after the fact.
Her limiting belief that she wouldn’t be able to find clients outside of the gym.
Her frustration over not having a structured business plan like other successful coaches; and the overwhelm that comes when she thinks about creating one.
Her fear of financial security, not being able to provide for her family and not making a specific dollar amount she had in mind.
Her fear of the unknown that comes with being on her own.
Then I dropped the bomb. What would be different for you if you were not afraid?
I sat quietly and watched this question and idea of being fearless set in, as she sat stunned, thinking for a few minutes.
Everything, she finally said. Literally everything. Not just as it relates to starting my business, but in other areas of my life as well. I would be more open to opportunities. I would be more confident. I would trust my intuition, I’d probably say “yes” to more things. It would change how I showed up in my relationships, with my husband, my kids, my friends…. It would change everything.
You could both hear and see the weight lift off her shoulder as she revealed her answer. She then looked at me and asked/said. “But how?“
Changing and moving beyond fears that we have lived with our entire lives isn’t easy. They are ingrained in our everyday life and act like blinders to keep us safe.
The first step to removing fears is to recognize that we have them in the first place. They often show up as excuses, avoidance, conflict, or diversions, masking the underlying fear. Once we have the recognition and awareness around what fears are at play, we can then take the steps necessary to address each one individually, so that we can step confidently into our goals, dreams or task at hand.
For this client, she chose to work on her fears around the financial security and frustrations around creating a business plan first. She was so afraid of not making enough as a full-time coach, but when pressed about how much is enough, she admitted she had no idea. She admitted that her blocks around this were so strong, that she can’t bring herself down to even sit down and take the time to create a budget and paint her current financial situation.
I pointed out that without a clear understanding of her current situation, that it was completely understandable that she was struggling to develop a business plan that will help her pull in “enough,” as “enough” was completely ambiguous.
This put her at ease and actually made her laugh about how crazy she was being with no real understanding about what number she even needed. As we started to talk about the next steps you could see her energy shift from being drained and fearful to being empowered and excited to get started. The first thing she wanted to do was to make that number real; turning “enough” into a tangible number that she can work towards. From there, she wants to create a business plan and transition timeline that will allow her to achieve financial security and the personal freedom she desires; at a pace that is comfortable for her.
This client’s story is far from over. Working through fears is like peeling a band-aid off your arm. Massaging it and moving it so slowly that we don’t cause more damage than what it was covering. We will move at a pace that is “right” for this client, taking as many baby steps are needed to help her confidently and fearlessly create a life and career that she loves.
When you think about your own situation, here are some journal prompts that may help you reflect on what is truly holding you back from living the life of your dreams.
What are your hesitations, and why?
What are you afraid of, and why?
What can I do to make these fears less scary?
What would change for me if I was were not afraid?