I went to the PA Women's Conference. Here’s what I learned. *Plus* 3 tips on embracing imperfection.
I had the privilege of attending the 2019 Pennsylvania Conference for Women. I heard from some amazing keynote speakers including Elizabeth Gilbert, James Clear, Josym Webb and Ava DuVerney. I also attended every breakout possible geared towards empowering women to find their voice, speak their truth, be authentic, raise each other up, and create a life that they choose – one small step and one small choice at a time.
As a coach who is passionate about inspiring and empowering women to step outside of their comfort zone to define a career and life that they love, I was fully engaged and took a gazillion notes. Literally! I walked away with about 10 pages of scribbles because I was writing so quickly!
On my train ride home and the following days, I digested all the material, flipped through said notes, and realized there were 5 common themes throughout the entire day. Themes that my clients and I face daily, and themes that I’m sure many of you deal with as well.
The desire to be perfect holds us back. Learn to embrace imperfection.
Learning to say “no” so that you can focus on what you truly value.
Giving ourselves permission to quit. Permission to redefine success and a new path for ourselves.
Your voice matters. Embrace it. Ditch the cubicle voice and speak out loud.
Small steps lead to big results.
Over the next few weeks I’ll discuss each of these themes in more detail. Today, I’ll kick off with the one that I probably struggle with the most. Embracing imperfection. Reshma Saujani, author of Brave, Not Perfect, led a moving breakout at the end of the conference on this exact topic.
From a young age, girls are taught that perfection leads to being liked. Don’t get dirty in the sandbox, don’t speak unless spoken to, join sports such as ballet or dance that require hours of practice and perfection prior to recitals.
As adults, we prep and prep and prep as much as possible so that we cannot fail. If our house is spotless, if we know exactly what we’re going to say in the meeting, if we can just have 5 more minutes to think it over to carefully craft our response, then we’ll be protected. If we’re perfect people can’t judge us, they can’t tear us down, they can’t criticize us. Wrong. Sadly, this happens anyway, and our desire to be perfect, to prep and prep and prep often leads us to miss our opportunity to show off our skills, to speak our voice, to be seen. As Saujani stressed during her breakout if we continue to wait until things are perfect to live, wait for things to be perfect to step up as leaders, wait for things to be perfect to ask for that promotion or that raise, then we will never close the gender gap.
Personally, I have always been a rule follower, getting straight A’s, being athletic, working my way up the corporate ladder, the one that would “take care of my parents when they got older” because, (love you bro) but my brother is a bit scattered and unreliable when it comes to finances and responsibilities. Over the years, I subconsciously created rules for myself that tied “being responsible” to having a well-paying job, being financially independent, and basically – following this preconceived path of success (perfection) as defined by others. The challenge was that I wasn’t happy. However, this need to be the golden child froze me in my tracks when it came time to make the single most important decision of my career. Quitting my full time, six-digit, corporate job to become a fulltime coach. At that moment, I had to take a deep breath and realize that I am allowed to not be perfect. I am allowed to fail. I am allowed to see where this chapter takes me.
I struggle with embracing imperfection daily. While I am doing my best to just put myself out there to grow my business, it is easy to hide behind the administrative tasks that come with owning a business versus getting out there and making introductions, networking, risking being seen as “unprepared” or “clueless.” At the end of this particular breakout, Saujani, shared the following “Everyday Bravery” challenge. I've personally been trying to do each of these three things every day as I continue to practice embracing imperfection.
Practice imperfection. Whether it be trying something when you're only 80% prepared, or posting your 2nd selfie instead of your 500th, or sending an email with a typo, or try leaving the house without your makeup on.
Do something you suck at. If you’re good at something but don’t like doing it, stop doing it. If you’re bad at something but love doing it, do more of it. Find joy in mediocrity. We’re allowed to try things and be bad at them, if you can’t figure something out, keep trying. If you look like a fool doing it, even better. Stop caring what other people think! Raise your hand and ask a question in a meeting or in a workshop. Don’t worry if you're not prepared, raise your hand and ask anyway.
Just start. Moving forward is joy. Don’t talk yourself out of it, don’t crush your own dream, don’t live with regret or envy of those that did try. Take one teeny tiny small step towards your goal. Then take another. Then another.
In a different breakout that I'll cover in one of my next posts, Emilie Aries, author of Bossed Up, said: “you don’t need to know the answers, you just need to know you can figure it out.” When you think of Saujani's challenge, embrace this concept. You don’t need to know what you’re doing, or how to do it, you don’t need to be perfect, you just need to have the confidence to know that you can figure it out.
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