What is the difference between Being and Doing?
Rob Tull Success Coach and owner of Path2Coaching and I discussed this very topic on Episode Four of The Conshy Coaching Podcast.
An important concept for me to remember as I ran into restorative yoga this evening like a bat out of hell; a class that reminds us the importance of slowing down and focusing on our breathing. A class that grants us permission to stop doing, to stop thinking, and to just be.
So what is the difference between the two? In a nutshell, and very simply stated by one of iPEC’s Core Coaching Foundation Principles: Doing is work, being is effortless.
For those of you who are scratching your heads or rolling your eyes at that - don't worry, I did too at the beginning of my journey into the world of Energy Leadership.
When I was first introduced to this foundation principle, I immediately tried to make the definition make sense; forcing myself to find places in my life that I was being and not doing. The ironic thing, which I didn’t understand at the time, was that the simple act of trying to make this definition make sense and trying to force myself to recognize areas where I was “being” was actually a perfect example of where I was doing.
As I continued to work with my personal coach and implement the theories of Energy Leadership into my life, I realized I could let go. I realized that things didn't have to make sense or be forced into a specific definition. And, I realized that the more I tried to control, and the more that I tried to make something happen, the more effort and energy I was expending and the more conflict (level 2) energy I was bringing into my life.
It took practice, but as I learned to let go of my urge to control a situation, and I learned to stop trying to force a certain outcome, not only did I end up achieving greater results than intended, I exerted less energy in the process, and the journey became effortless. I began living in flow and welcoming level 6 and 7 energy into my life.
Performance vs Mastery Goals
To help underscore this concept a bit further, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the difference between performance and mastery goals. A topic I’ll touch on in more detail in the future.
Performance goals allow you to demonstrate and validate your abilities by achieving a specific outcome, to outperforming others or to avoid looking incompetent. As these type goals are attached to a specific outcome, they are riddled with judgment as one can easily assess something as good or bad or a success or a failure. These types of goals are associated with doing work.
Mastery goals, on the other hand, are designed to increase your competency, understanding, and long-term success. As these type goals are not attached to a specific outcome, but rather focused on the journey of learning and self-improvement, they are not tainted with judgment. Because of this, these type goals are associated with presence in the moment, and with being effortless.
Simply stated: the moment that we attach ourselves to an outcome or a way of doing something, we align ourselves with a performance type goal and step into a state of “doing.” If we focus on the journey and what we can gain on our way to the outcome, we align ourselves with a mastery goal, and the much more likely it is that things will be effortless and that we’ll remain in a state of being.
Examples of Being
With practice, one can transition from a state of doing to a state of being in all aspects of their life. In episode four, Rob Tull gave the example of how he tried to force a hike on a day where he had limited time; and as a result, it ended up being counter-productive as he ended up getting lost, falling, and getting injured in the process. On the flip side, on another day, when he opted to go out on the river and just enjoy being out of the house, he was able to enjoy the moment and it rejuvenated him and sparked his creativity (level 6) for the next few weeks.
When I worked in Corporate, transitioning from a state of doing to a state of being, helped me to show up authentically as I applied for a promotion, prioritizing my core values and being detached from the ultimate outcome. Taking a mastery approach of focusing on what I could learn and how I could grow allowed the interview process to feel effortless, and while I didn't get the job I initially applied for (blessing in disguise), they did create a new position which still resulted in a promotion, a raise and responsibilities that aligned with my core values of empowering and inspiring others. All because I stepped away from conflict, didn’t try to force a specific outcome, focused on being present in the moment, and spoke my truth from a place of being.
This concept also allowed me to grant myself forgiveness and acceptance when it came to approaching an overwhelming to-do list or project. It still does.
In restorative yoga this evening, the concept of being vs doing allowed me to focus on my breath and press reset; permission to focus on my breath rather than thinking about all the work I didn’t finish as planned, or what my schedule looks like for the rest of the week. And as a coach, this concept allows me to stay present with my clients; listening fully to what they are saying as well as they are not saying.
How to Be
With practice, everyone can approach life from a state of being. With a mastery mindset and orientation, from a state of flow and a place of effortless living.
Here are a few tips to get you started:
If something feels forced or out of alignment, come back to your breath. The simple art of counting your breath allows you to reset and come back to the moment; come back to a state of being.
Similar to breathing, having a regular practice of meditation can also help you come back to a state of being. Whether it be daily meditation through use of an app, intentional coloring or tracing, or meditation through yoga; any activity where you intentionally focus on the activity at hand, pushing away thoughts that are not relevant, will help you remain present and reduce your urge to “do” to force a specific outcome.
If you find yourself attached to an outcome or a specific way of doing something, or thinking that something is “good” or “bad,” take a few moments to challenge your perceptions. Why do you want the outcome? Why do you think that way is the “best” way? Why do you judge something as being good or bad? What are the other beneficial alternatives that could occur?
Working with a coach can help you challenge your perceptions and gain clarity around areas where you’re forcing something to happen or being attached to an outcome (doing) vs approaching it from a state of flow (being). A coach can help you look at things from a different angle, and hold you accountable as you start your journey to mastery.
Reflection
Take a moment and reflect. How could tapping into a state of “being” help you in your life? How could being in flow and approaching things with less effort help you achieve greater satisfaction? How else could you personally tap into a life of being?
