April’s Book of the Month: "The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier
For Mindful Leaders, the ability to coach effectively is essential for empowering, inspiring, and motivating team members to navigate complex challenges. That’s why April’s book of the month is “The Coaching Habit” by Michael Bungay Stanier. This book offers a practical guide for people leaders and executives seeking to embody a coaching leadership style, in a very easy-to-follow, workbook-like fashion.
Key Concept #1: The Power of Asking Questions
Stanier’s book, “The Coaching Habit,” emphasizes the transformative power of asking questions. So often, to remove roadblocks and enable their teams to succeed, leaders will provide immediate solutions to challenges raised, or answers to questions asked.
In reality, this enablement approach decreases your team’s ability to think critically, grow, and succeed in the long run. This approach is also a slippery slope, and leads to leaders inadvertently allowing upward delegation to happen!
By asking strategic questions, like the ones outlined below, and offering insights only as needed, leaders can unlock the potential of their team members by empowering them to develop their critical thinking skills and a solution-oriented mindset. Further, by adopting a curious approach, leaders empower their teams to explore solutions independently, leading to greater ownership, accountability, and intrinsic motivation.
Key Concept #2: The "Coaching Habit" Framework
The book introduces the "Coaching Habit" framework: seven powerful questions, that when asked in order, are designed to facilitate impactful conversations. People leaders and executives can leverage these questions to guide their team members toward clarity, action, and growth.
Here’s a quick overview of the questions and why they are effective. I’ve also included examples of these questions in practice, using a scenario from a recent client discussion.
The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?”
This question opens the conversation and allows your team members to identify what they want to discuss. It gives them the autonomy to set the agenda, encouraging ownership and engagement in the conversation, and the coaching process.
VP of Marketing: "What's on your mind?"
Team Member: "I'm feeling overwhelmed by the marketing project deadline. I'm not sure how to meet it."
The AWE Question: “And what else?”
This question encourages deeper exploration and expands the conversation beyond the initial response. As a professional leadership coach, I ask this question multiple times in client sessions because I have found time and time again that the initial topic is just one of many things bouncing around in their brain. Once I have a list of 3-5 topics, I have them choose which topic they would like to focus on during our session and explore why it is a top priority for them.
VP of Marketing: "And what else?"
Team Member: "I'm also struggling to coordinate with other departments and manage the project timeline effectively. It’s been difficult to get the information we need when we need it, and when we do receive it, it’s often incomplete."
The Focus Question: What's the real challenge here for you?
Similar to the last question, this question helps your team members pinpoint the underlying issue or challenge. Rather than jumping to conclusions and inserting your own story about what their challenge is, this question empowers your team members to clarify the root cause of the problem, it enables focused and targeted discussions, leading to more effective solutions and action plans.
For example, if your team member states that they’re overwhelmed with their project load, jumping to the conclusion and solution of removing projects from their team, might lead them to feel disempowered, when their real challenge lies in the ability to manage their schedule, prioritize their tasks, or say no to the “invisible work” that pops up during the day.
Prompting your team members with the AWE and Focus questions will empower them to cultivate self-awareness, creativity, critical thinking, and problem-solving skills.
VP of Marketing: "What's the real challenge for you?"
Team Member: "I think the real challenge is balancing the various tasks involved in the project and ensuring everything stays on track. I just feel like I’m constantly jumping around, and don’t have time to effectively manage the moving parts."
The Foundation Question: "What do you want?"
This question encourages your team member to articulate their desired outcome or goal. This is the question that transitions them from focusing on the problem, to considering a solution. This questions helps promote clarity and direction, which will guide the conversation towards actionable steps that align with their objectives. It also fosters a sense of accountability and commitment to achieving their desired outcomes.
VP of Marketing: "What do you want?"
Team Member: "I want to find a way to streamline the project process and meet the deadline without sacrificing quality or losing my mind in the process."
Full disclosure: Your team member might respond to this question with, “Right now I just want to vent.” If that’s the case, as a leader, you can provide space to work through their emotions and frustrations, before asking, “Okay, now that that’s off your chest, what do you want to do about the situation?”
The Lazy Question: How can I help?
Why it's effective: This question empowers your employee by giving them control over how they want to proceed. It demonstrates your willingness to support and assist without imposing solutions or advice. It encourages self-reliance and resourcefulness while reinforcing trust and collaboration in the coaching relationship.
VP of Marketing: "How can I help?"
Team Member: "I could use some guidance on prioritizing tasks and managing the project timeline effectively. Also, any insights you have on coordinating with other departments would be helpful."
A quick note on “the lazy question.” While Stanier proposes “How can I help,” I often encourage my clients to change this language to “What support do you need?” This will broaden your team member’s scope of vision, and recognize that their sought-after support might come from a team member, leader of another team, or even just some calendar management to carve out quiet time to focus. Once your team member identifies the support they need, ask them how or where they’d like your help.
The Strategic Question: If you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
This question is one of my favorites to ask during coaching sessions. This question requires my clients, and your team members, to consider the trade-offs and implications of their options and decisions. It encourages thoughtful reflection and prioritization, helping the coachee to make more informed choices and allocate resources effectively. It also requires a bit of strategic thinking and long-term planning.
VP of Marketing: "If you're saying yes to meeting this project deadline, what are you saying no to?"
Team Member: "I guess I'll have to say no to taking on additional tasks or projects for the time being. I really need to focus my energy on completing this project successfully. I think I’ll also have to set some boundaries with the other teams to ensure our deadlines are met."
The Learning Question: "What was most useful for you?"
This question promotes reflection and learning by encouraging your team members to identify valuable insights or takeaways from the conversation. It also reinforces learning as a continuous process and provides feedback to you, as the leader, on which approaches or strategies are most effective for your team members. Lastly, this question strengthens the relationship by demonstrating the leader’s commitment to their team member’s growth, development, and learning styles.
VP of Marketing: "What was most useful for you?"
Team Member: "It was helpful to think through how to prioritize tasks and manage the project timeline. It gave me a clearer focus on what needs to be done, and permission to say “no” to some of the less urgent tasks that have been pulling my focus. I also appreciated your insights on coordinating with the other departments and effectively enforcing deadlines."
Key Concept #3: Slow Down and Listen!
According to the Institute of Organizational Mindfulness, we think at 400 words per minute and listen at 125 words per minute. This means, that while someone is speaking to us, our brains are automatically sorting through and comparing what we’re hearing to our memories, mental models, and biases - and measuring this incoming information against our worldview, mindsets, and stored experience.
At the same time, we’re subconsciously examining facial expressions, body language, and micro-expressions - and running them against our database of past outcomes, to determine the speaker’s true meaning and motivations. Before they can finish a sentence, we’ve predicted what they will say, what they truly mean by it, why they’re saying it now, and how it fits into their overall strategy for achieving seen or unseen objectives, and – we’ve already planned our reply.
All of this is to say that active and mindful listening is crucial for the seven questions of the Coaching Habit framework to work, and why Stanier highlights the importance of active listening in coaching conversations in his book.
Effective coaching involves creating space for reflection and introspection and actively listening for what isn’t being said. By providing a supportive environment for reflection, fully engaging in conversations, and listening attentively to the concerns and aspirations of their team members, leaders foster a culture built on self-awareness and personal growth, leading to more resilient and resourceful team members.
Conclusion:
Coaching leaders empower their team members to take ownership of their goals and actions by encouraging them to set clear objectives, identify potential obstacles, and develop actionable plans. Further, Coaching Leaders empower their teams to navigate resistance and overcome challenges by creating a supportive environment, reframing obstacles as opportunities for growth, and asking powerful solution-focused questions that inspire resilience and resourcefulness within their teams.
April’s Book of the Month, "The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier, provides the framework for leaders to integrate coaching into their leadership approach, elevate their impact, and empower their teams. By incorporating questions outlined in Stanier’s book and adopting a coaching leadership style, leaders can promote self-awareness, critical thinking, and accountability while fostering trust, collaboration, and growth… ultimately unlocking the potential of their team members and driving positive change and performance.
If you're ready to explore how you can become a more Mindful Leader or adopt a Coaching Leadership Style, partnering with an ICF Certified Coach could be a great option. To learn more about working with me, or to explore additional resources that will help you become a more impactful leader, please consider subscribing to my newsletter, and connecting with me on social media: LinkedIn, Instagram, and Pinterest.
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